Posts Tagged: neocles

SFMOMA Self-portrait #1

Self-Reflexive Existentialist

Broken Things/Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait

My laptop froze. I tried to reboot it. I got the flashing question mark of death. I tried to resurrect it. Finally, I took it to the repair shop. The guy said, “hard drive failed. Completely.” I didn’t get too upset. I had backups. I saw that the last one was several months ago. I didn’t get too upset. I didn’t keep much on the laptop that was not also on the desktop. Then I remembered. Some websites I had built for others were only on there. Now there’s probably no backups or original files and graphics. Then I remembered. Some ebooks I bought were only on there. There were all the PHP exercises I was working on. Then I remembered. There were lots of applications on that thing. Restoring won’t be easy. I hate that.

I must not think bad thoughts

xpro Neo

xpro Neo

Totally grown up and still not able to deal with my own essentially unphotogenic nature. So, now I’m approaching the problem by making self-portraits. TFT. I thought I could play with the processing and obscure or soften this nature, but so far it seems to just spiral down further. For awhile I tried being super-clean shaven. It helped slightly with the aging that premature gray adds (yessss, it is premature), but not so much with the camera. So then I tried facial hair with quotes. That’s a big FAIL too. Gonna change that in the morning. In any case, I’m now reminded of the time my avant-rock/performance group played a house party  and we had a really bad night, sounded terrible. After we finished and were breaking down, a woman I knew said to me as she walked by, “You shouldn’t have the green light on you.” Why does the super-ego pile on like that?

born during orbit

New York Times, February 20, 1962, reports John Glenn is first American to orbit the earth.

New York Times, February 20, 1962, reports John Glenn is first American to orbit the earth.

(Update: I started this post three years ago and never made it public. I guess I thought I’d never get a job a prospective employer googled me and discovered how old I am. But there’s no hiding it now! 🙂

February 20, 1962.

I learned about this event when I was a young child, and, for some reason, it became part of my sense of identity very early on. I suppose when there is nothing too remarkable in one’s life, accidents of coincidence can stand in. In any case, my father would recount the coincident events with a clear sense of pride, and John Glenn was a hero in our household, as he was in many others.

Thank goodness he turned out to be a democrat when he ran for office. My father, the FDR democrat, would have been sorely disappointed if it had been otherwise.

Efrosini Holding Neocles

Efrosini Holding Neocles, originally uploaded by neocles.

My earliest memories go back to the house my parents lived in when I was born, at 818 “S” St. in Fresno CA. We were Greeks on the edge of Armenian Town. I don’t quite remember living there, since we moved when I was about two years old. But I almost do. I remember being at the house, although I think it was when my parents were going back and fixing it up to sell when I was about three and half years old.

I remember the look of the old wooden house, the wood floors, the old door knobs, the pulley clothes line that stretched from a window to the far reaches of the back yard. I remember the feel of the hot, powdery dirt in the Fresno summer, and the way it smelled when the water from the bib fell onto it, making dusty explosions that turned to mud. I vividly recall, even now, the smell of the cellar we retreated to for lunch once the sun was high and hot. We sat at a card table and ate in near darkness, the only light streaming in from the cellar door at the top of the stairs. There was a certain musty smell of damp concrete that I encounter every few years, and when I do I am transported back to that cellar more fully than any sci-fi invention could ever achieve.

I toddled around the front yard and wandered into the yard next door. There I encountered the old Armenian woman who lived there. She was very old and bent over, wrinkled and gray. In my memory, she was wandering around her garden tending to her plantings, she wore nothing above the waist and her breasts hung low and flat. She spoke to me in Armenian and I understood nothing of what she said to me. I stood and stared up at her, a little afraid, but not too much, perplexed by the sound of this language. She smiled as she spoke and chuckled around the edges. My mother called and I turned to go, running through the powdery dirt that burned my feet. The smell of Sycamores wafted by as I scrambled up the front steps.