Yes, I recognize that I’m now woefully behind in this post-a-day project. But it is not really my fault; forces beyond my control are conspiring against me. They weigh on me and burden me until I crumple down into a heap of my own laziness. (The laziness is beyond my control, too, of course.) These are not garden-variety forces of distraction and procrastination, like say, a hangnail on my typing finger, or simply beautiful beach weather. Not at all. Each of these complex and weighty forces deserves its own explanation that could stand alone in a separate post. And now that I type it, I see I have what looks like a great strategy for squeaking out some more posts! With that strategy in hand, I’ll do little more than enumerate the reasons why I haven’t written. And in the by-and-by, I’ll write about why I’m not writing.
There’s no particular order to this list, just like in my actual life. Although co-incidentally, the first item on the list marked the beginning of the end for my fidelity to the Commitment. There’s nothing like going on vacation to break the routine, get you out of the habit, and make getting back to work impossibly distasteful. Even if it’s only for a couple of days.
And so it was with the Las Vegas trip. Before the trip, the thought of completely failing to post for a day was just inconceivable. It may have been late, it may have been typo-ridden and incomprehensible, it may have been stupid and a sham topic just to get the post up, but by Dog, it was going to get done. Then, once I actually completely failed to deliver just once, just that first time, then it became conceivable. I thought to myself, “I missed a day and,…and… nothing happened.” And then after that, with each day that goes by it is SO MUCH easier to ignore the nagging little voice telling me that I made this Commitment I need to fulfill no matter what’s happened or who’s died.
I even brought my laptop with me to Vegas with the idea of continuing to write. I almost sort of did. I think I got one post up. But then,… well, I’d say more about what might have gone wrong with that plan, but you know what they say about what happens in Vegas. So, let’s leave it at that for the moment. And we’ll see if I can get around to explaining any of these other crippling roadblocks to self-realization through blogging.